I was sitting against the plush black leather of the limousine as it carried me away from the grave of my 2-year-old son, Joshua, who had been killed days earlier after being struck by a pickup truck. Yet all I could think about was food. With bitter tears running down my cheeks, I closed my eyes and pictured the platters of roast beef, creamy mashed potatoes and assorted pastries that my friends had lovingly set out at the wake. I imagined piling my plate with as much food as possible and swallowing all of it, pushing the pain down as far as it would go. The more I thought about food, the less I thought about seeing those precious brown eyes of Joshua’s closed forever.
Some people cope with the loss of a child by turning to alcohol or drugs. My drug of choice was food. When Joshua died, I was 40 or 50 pounds overweight. In the 5 years later, I had nearly comforted myself to about 250 pounds.
My struggle with weight has been compounded by a society that sees the obese as something akin to lepers. We’re viewed as hideous, stupid, ignorant, loathsome and worst of all, worthless. There are laws that prevent discriminating against minorities and the disabled; there are no advocates for the obese. I’ve been passed over for jobs due to my weight, and my insurance company specifically excludes any treatment for obesity.
Of course, all the discrimination takes a toll. I nearly spent three years mostly indoors, hiding from the world, and at times my self-esteem had been nonexistent. At one point, I became so depressed that I contemplated committing suicide.
The day I realized that I wanted to live and discard the shroud that I had used as protection against the pain of losing my son came a year ago when I broke a toilet seat because I was so obese. For the first time in years I looked at myself in the mirror and saw a person—not just a huge mound of flesh, but a real woman who was so guilt-ridden about not being able to save her son that she didn’t think she was worthy of making the changes necessary to save herself.
So I finally committed to doing what it takes to start losing the weight. The moment that toilet seat cracked was when my hard shell of self-loathing cracked as well.
At that point I decided no more will I let my weight get in the way of my life and freedom. No more will I get judged at by others just because of my appearance. No more will I fill the void of my grievances with food.
Believe me, I tried to lose the weight. I went on countless diets, at times subsisting on little but grapefruit or cabbage. I’ve tried pills and liquid diets. I would take laxatives and tried starving and purging. Every time I lost and regained I felt like more of a failure. One of my girlfriends recommended this program that was reasonably priced and it had helped her lose 25 pounds already. So I thought what the hell….didn’t know it yet but that was one of the best decisions I made.
I didn’t know what holistic weight loss was but I’m so glad I was introduced to it. A complete solution to my problem of procrastination and returning time and time again to my bad eating habits. It allowed me to find healthy alternatives of the unhealthy foods I enjoyed. The routine was actually extremely easy to follow and the workouts were never too strenuous. This easy to follow plan helped my reshape my bad routines into good ones.
Hear me out, this is crazy when I say this.. after the first week of following this routine achieved my first 5 pounds of weight loss. It was crazy to see my weight on the scale decrease after months of steady incline. Then an incredible mile stone 20 pounds in my first month…. I was hooked on the results, and it determined me to keep going, every week my friends family and co-workers were noticing my changes as well. By six months I had lost 80 pounds and I knew I couldn’t stop there.
Its been a whole year… and I’m proud to say that almost 125 pounds of fat is out of my body. I am a totally new person and my outlook on life will never be the same. From losing Joshua, weighing north of 250 pounds and suicidal, to wanting more out of life and best of all taking back what tragedy and loss has taken from me.
I really appreciate everyone who cared to listen to my story, and that is why I want to help you on your journey.
Cinderella Solutions changed my life and by sharing this everybody I hope it motivates you guys to make a change… It changed the outlook i have on my life, and helped me not waste time sorrowing in my lack of self confidence. I believe every women deserves to become the person they want to be, and live the life they want to live.
Check them out what they do over there is truly incredible and changed my life forever.
How I got My Life Back (; 